How many times do you tell your kids to slow down? When they’re hurtling towards the road after making a mad dash out of the front door for glorious freedom? (guilty) When they shovel 3 chicken dippers down their gullet because about 2 seconds before, you told them to hurry up and eat their dinner (guilty, again!) or is it when they stall the bedtime routine… find a reason to not go up the stairs, find an excuse to delay brushing teeth and then resort to every conceivable sense to keep you in the room and for them to not go to sleep? I didn’t think so. Because again, I’m guilty of that one too. Lately I’ve become more and more conscious of the fact that I need to slow down and savour these moments of madness that intersperse themselves between the rare moments of calm.
Its Bank Holiday Monday as I write this, but it’ll be a good few weeks before I actually post it since I tend to do that now; it’s a habit I hope to break in time. Peanut’s sat taking the best ones out of the sweets she got yesterday, Mr P and his Dad are outside putting the finishing touches to an amazing patio they’ve laid, and Rude Dog is asleep upstairs; and it’s been a looooong journey to this point. It’s been a good 9 or 10 months since I last posted on peanutwine.com and in that time I’ve just had absolutely nothing to say. I’ve faced this block, like a huge breeze block wall that just got closer to me each time I’ve taken a stride backwards. Not a nice brick wall that’s somewhat aesthetically pleasing in a symmetrical way, but a big grey blocky barrier against my creativity and sanity. Ugly, monotonous and incomplete just staring at me waiting for my reaction – after a while I started to feel like that wall and felt guilty for not trying harder, being better and just getting on with it. So I stopped. Put a halt on trying and rather than striding backwards I turned around a bloody legged it like a bolt – and that’s not like me at all. I simply failed to be me. Sorry about that.
What is it that gets you going? What is it that makes you jump out of that rut and start existing again? For me its the same nudge that got me into this rut in the first place. A red finger that points whilst spouting green words. The grey cloud that’s trying its hardest to block the sunshine. The mental block comes from a mental thump in the face and I know that over the past year I’ve had a setback in my creativity and confidence and this has helped me to seek out the good in other areas of life. My family, my friends and my own self; and its this slowing down that helps you to realign and rediscover with a focus on that goodness.
My husband is a punk. He’s been punk for so very many years and he’s been true to this lifestyle for such a long time. He’s my inspiration on many a crap day because he’s all about the PMA (all day) and he helps me to focus on whats important – us, our bubble and our ethics. He’s an incredibly ethical person and punk values are at the core of his existence. He believes in equality, authenticity and just generally being a good person without treading on others, and I aspire to be more like him. You’d never know by looking at him but then he doesn’t conform to a stereotype and fall into the role by looking a certain way and claiming to be something that he isn’t. He also subscribed me to the Love Lula beauty box so I’ve got products coming out of my ears just gagging for review and an honest opinion (I should really get back on that.) What’s the point I’m trying to make here? Well, its quite simple. If you’re struggling a bit then turn to those that bring out the best side of you and cling to it until you’re back to being yourself. Negativity helps nobody; not even those spewing it. Its a poison that attacks the atmosphere and weighs heavy on everyone so turn your back on it and let it fester in its own dirty corner of the earth until it consumes itself and quietly disappears. You’d be fascinated at how richer and more enlightened your own life becomes once you stop acknowledging its presence.
It’s now roughly a fortnight or so since I started writing this post. The patio is finished and it looks awesome. I’ve had another week at work and a few days seeing equally amazing friends. I’ve also had the proverbial boot up the bum and the inspiration to crack on has just found me. Might even buy a shampoo bar later and review the arse off of it. Might also neck this cuppa… living my best life in the lounge while Rude Dog wrecks the place.
This sounds like another blog.
Well… it looks like it is.
PMA all day