It’s been almost a year since my last post. A whole year, and my god what a year it’s been.
I feel I should explain my absence, and while it would be easy to just say ‘Surprise!
I had a baby!’ it doesn’t quite give it the attention and explanation that it is owed. A nice picture of our beautiful baby boy with some kind of sickly sweet caption to coo over would be a beautiful introduction, granted. However, this year has been a cacophony of emotions all leading up to the main event. I’ve felt everything from excitement and overwhelming joy through to fear and sheer guilt. The truth is, we wanted this baby so, so much to the point that we didn’t want to spread the word too far and wide – just in case. And it is exactly that, those three words that have owned my 9 months of baby-growing time until the second that he took his first precious breath.
Just in case.
But in case of what? you might ask. I have to admit that when I was pregnant with Peanut, I was so naïve to the process and never even considered the fact that my baby might be born with something fundamentally wrong with her, or that a debilitating condition might be growing with her in utero, us blissfully unaware of how her future was being shaped for her. I never considered that perhaps I wouldn’t make it 40 weeks and, god forbid, we’d never get to meet her or watch her grow. The thought never even crossed my mind that we’d spend painful years trying to conceive only to find that it just wasn’t going to happen naturally for us. It was only after living with this gorgeous little girl and finding that so many people around us were starting their own baby journey with a life ahead filled with difficulties, ending their baby journey in tragic circumstances or struggling to get that baby journey started, that we realised exactly how incredibly lucky we were. How could I then possibly boast about how great this time could of my life was? How could I bleat about how easy it was to get pregnant and how full term was approaching and I could almost smell that delicious newborn scent already. I couldn’t do it.
From the moment I found out that I was expecting our son I knew that this journey had to be one that wasn’t common knowledge to the masses. We told a few friends and our family but avoided any announcement on social media. That’s when the blog took a back seat and I thought it was a good opportunity to take some time out to appreciate the position that we were in, focus on the positives and make the most of that year to explore and experiment with more products that paid tribute to this fantastic little crusade I’ve found myself on.
So now that my skin and body are somewhat returning to a state of normality (postpartum crap sucks so much) I can now enjoy the benefits of seeing my skin react to a new moisturiser or makeup in the way that it usually would. For the most part of last year, my skin decided that it didn’t like moisture, so much that it decided to get rid of the lot and left me with an arid landscape of dry and scaly flakes where my skin used to be. No amount of moisture rich potions were going to sort that out. Then BOOM! 38 weeks in and the moisture came back, like a student returning from uni bringing all of his kebab-scoffing mates with him and enjoyed a full on grease party all over my poor, fat pregnant face. It really was a pointless exercise trying to use anything on my face throughout my pregnancy so I just gave up, embraced the minimal look and decided to try out a few new shampoos, conditioners and bath products instead. Having spent most of my time in the bathwater I feel that my time there was justified thanks to a few new products that I’m massively excited to blog about – there were some amazing products which, at the time, I’d have described as life changing. Looking back on that time fondly I think its safe to say I was a bit hormonal and enjoying my bath time a bit too much. Not quite Herbal Essences bird in the shower enjoyment but more Free Willy taking a leap of faith and desperately hoping not to bash its arse on its way to glorious freedom. But those products were pretty fab and I’ll definitely be posting reviews on each one when I’ve got the time.
Coming back to present day, I’m now sat here frantically typing whilst Mr P tries to get on top of cleaning his shit out of the kitchen after it annoyingly migrated from the garage (leaving the sodding doors open to the garden and letting all the cold in – such a British moan!) Peanut sits next to me with her Kinetic Sand playing nicely whilst my OCD rages inside as she drops bits into a towel. A TOWEL… try getting the bloody stuff out of that. And our little Rhubarb sits in his rocker chair desperately trying to squeeze a fart/poo out with the most beautiful of noises filling the voids of our messy kitchen.
Life is hard but its perfect right now. I’m grateful, thoughtful and so in love today.